Special Guest Expert - Amy Saltzman: Video automatically transcribed by Sonix

Special Guest Expert - Amy Saltzman: this mp4 video file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Brian Kelly:
So here's the big question. How are entrepreneurs like us who have been hustling and struggling to make it to success, who seem to make it one step forward only to fall two steps back? Who are dedicated. And driven. How do we finally break through and win? That is the question. And this podcast. Will give you the answers. My name is Brian Kelly. This is the mind body. Hello, everyone, and welcome. Welcome, Welcome to the Mind Body Business show. We have another fantastic episode lined up for you tonight. You do not want to miss this. I kid you not. There is a doctor in the house tonight. I am not kidding. Again. Yes, we have the amazing Amy Saltzman is with us here and she is literally like scratching and clawing at the monitor saying, Brian, let me in. Let me in. Let's get this thing rolling. And she will be coming on in just a moment. I promise. The Mind Body Business show is a show that I had created with you in mind. And I'm not kidding when I say that I'm looking to help business owners, entrepreneurs, whether you're a solopreneur, a highly successful entrepreneur or business person, this show is for you. Because I interview only very successful entrepreneurs from all over the world. Been doing it for, gosh, going on five years now and the amount of wisdom and value and tips and strategies that I have personally seen, witnessed and employed myself as a direct result of interviewing these amazing individuals is unquantifiable. We. Beneficial and quantifiably financially worth. Worthwhile. I can't think of the right word. It is unbelievably powerful and valuable. And I know tonight Amy Saltzman will be no different than all of those who came before her and those that will come after, because she's an amazing woman. She's accomplished much. She's doing many things. She is a doctor and she is very bright, very astute, and she loves helping people. That's what I love most about the folks that I get to interview on this show. They all have that one common theme. And so Mind Body Business Show is about the three pillars of success.

Brian Kelly:
I studied for about ten years. Only successful people thought, What is it that makes them tick? What are their secrets to success? The interesting thing is there are no secrets. It's it's widely known, but not many people realize that. And so what I found were the three pillars of success they kept bubbling to the top. Every time I would look into and study these successful people, like there are mentors of mine physically, you know, people that I look up to that I worked with, whom I became their lead trainer on their stage after years of working with them. There are authors of books that are industry leaders, people that are alive and with us, people that have been long gone since before that I studied, and these three pillars kept bubbling to the top. And they are the very namesake of this show mind. That means that to a person, these successful individuals had developed a very powerful. Very positive and most importantly, a very flexible mindset and mindset really is the cornerstone to all success or lack thereof. And then there was body. Body meant that these individuals took care of themselves, literally, physically and nutritionally. Very simple, straightforward business, multi, multi, multifaceted arena in business. And these individuals had mastered the various skill sets that are necessary to develop, to create, to grow, to thrive, to scale a successful business. What kind of skill sets are we talking about? You've heard of many of them as sales, marketing, leadership, team building, systematizing. I could go on and on and on. There are many. And you're probably thinking, Well, Brian, if I master. All of those skill sets. Mastery takes a long time. And you're right, the cool thing and the very wonderful thing is you only have to master just one. You don't have to spend your your life and beyond because it would take more than a lifetime to master every skill set. If you master just this one, you can leverage all these skill sets so that you can then bring in those who have already or are in the process of mastering them so that you don't have to spend your time. Because let's face it, you may not ever master every skill set.

Brian Kelly:
And what is that one skill set? Does anybody want to know? Are you curious? Raise your hand. Put it in the comments. I won't wait for you. I'm going to let you know what it is. That one skill set, if you are to master it right now and put everything you have into mastering it. And that is the skill set of leadership. Even if you have no team and you are a solo preneur, you want to cultivate actually a culture in your business as if you were one of your own team members. And how would you treat yourself? And there's a whole topic on that, and that's for another day. Leadership Many books on the topic. Buy them, Get them. In fact, I'll give you a resource where you can find some great books on leadership here in just a moment. In fact, we'll do that like right about now. Because another thing I found about those highly successful individuals was that to a person, they are also very avid readers of books. That's right. Readers of books. And with that, I would like to segue very quickly into a little segment I affectionately call. Paul bookmarks. And then we'll get back with Amy Saltzman. She is coming on. I kid you not. So let's get this going.

Announcer:
Bookmarks Born to read. Bookmarks. Ready, Steady. Read. Bookmarks brought to you by Reach your Peak Library.com.

Brian Kelly:
There you see it. Reach your peak. Library.com Real quick, word of advice now, various resources, books, things of that nature will be mentioned on this show. And I know being a being like you that you'll have that itch to go typing off and checking it out while the show is going on, while you're either watching it live. I hope you're watching it live on the mind body business show.com. You can register and get notified when we go live there for free. You actually get a gift for doing that and or you're listening to it on podcast or you're watching the video after the fact on a recorded version. No matter what the case is what you want to do, this is my advice to you is to stay focused on what Amy Saltzman has to say, not on what I have to say, but what Amy, this is where the juices this is where you're going to get the golden nuggets that can take you and propel you to a higher level, much higher level of success than you are today. That's the whole purpose of the show. I would hate for you to be going off focusing on and typing and looking and researching other things that you're hearing about on the show while the show is going on and then miss because of your focus, miss that one golden nugget that could literally change your life forever. I know this to be true and factual that it is very vitally important for you to focus not on me again, but on what Amy has to say when she comes on. Because you are going to be so grateful and thankful that you did. The thing is, the magic happens in the room. I used to speak from stage a lot and back then there were times in the beginning of my walk through the journey of becoming a better speaker. I would notice someone get up and walk and leave the room, and I know I'm about to get to the juicy part. I'm the speaker. I know what the good stuff is at that point. And they're either looking at their phone because they got that all important text message or they left because they had to go hit the restroom, whatever the case may be.

Brian Kelly:
You want to stay present in the room so you don't miss what could possibly be that one moment that changes your life for the better forever? That is my soapbox moment. I'm officially stepping down from that now. Reach Your Peak. Library.com is a website that I had developed with you in mind yet again. It is basically a collection of books that I personally have read and now I vet. And here's the reason I was not an avid reader until about the age of 47, which is roughly 12 years ago. I'm giving you a moment to do the math because you're all curious. And the thing is, is I realized after starting to read voraciously that, oh, my gosh, these have an absolute profound effect on my business life and oftentimes also in my personal life. And I decided to start having my team collect and I'd say, here's the next book, put it on the site, put it on the site, put on the site. And that's what this is a peak Library.com is only those books that had that kind of effect on me. So not every book I've ever read is on here, only those that I personally vet. So at least you can go to one resource and have, you know, some sense of knowing that you're not going to be wasting your time. Your odds of doing that are lessened, I should say. There's no guarantee that it will have a profound effect on you as it did with me. But the odds are greater because at least it did have that effect on at least one other successful individual. That's why I put this together. And the buttons, you know they're here to buy. It goes to Amazon. This is not for the purpose of making money. It's here as a resource for you. If you want to buy it at Barnes and Noble anywhere else, it doesn't matter. Find the book you want. Go get it wherever you want to get it, but just go get it and then read it and then apply what you've read. That is that. And here we go. I am done yakking because you know what this show is about.

Brian Kelly:
Amy Salzman It's not about me. And so with that, I want to bring on this wonderful, magnificent young lady. Let's introduce her right now. Here we go.

Announcer:
It's time for the guest expert Spotlight savvy, skillful, professional, adept, trained. Big league qualified.

Brian Kelly:
And there she is, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, it is the one. It is the only Amy Saltzman. Woo hoo!

Amy Saltzman:
Very happy to be with you.

Brian Kelly:
Oh, so, so ecstatically Happy to have you here, Amy. And I cannot wait to share you with everyone who is watching us live, who is listening to us on the recording, who's listening to the recorded video or watching the recorded video. Because I've done this a long time and I can tell when someone has an IT factor, you have it. We had a nice chat before the show and I think people are going to be refreshed by what you have to offer your knowledge, your wisdom, your value, your experience, everything all rolled up into one beautiful package. This is going to be a fun, fun show. If you don't mind, Amy, I would like to do a formal introduction of you so people get somewhat of a sense of your background. Oh, I saw the big thumbs up. All right. I don't even have to ask. Thank you very much. Here we go. Dr. Amy Saltzman is a former competitive gymnast, physician, author, mother and victim slash sur thriver of decades of covert emotional abuse. Dr. Amy is an expert on protecting children from abuse and has a knack for translating difficult topics into, quote unquote, kids speak. She is a she is passionate about preventing abuse in sports schools, music programs, religious settings and community activities. In the wake of the Yates report detailing extensive abuse in the National Women's Soccer League, Dr. Saltzman, she was appointed to serve on the US Soccer Federation Participant Safety Task force. The task force was created to protect all athletes from the youngest youth players to professionals from abuse. Dr. Saltzman That's her right there. Amy has also created internationally acclaimed programs authored not one, not two, but three books, very impressive and recorded guided practices for teaching mindfulness to both athletes, entrepreneurs and other high performers, and to children and adolescents to ease stress and difficult emotions. Oh, powerful, powerful intro. And I cannot be more proud and happy to have you here. Amy Officially and formally now. Welcome to the show, Amy. Appreciate you for being here.

Amy Saltzman:
Thanks so much for having me.

Brian Kelly:
Oh, this is going to be fantastic. And what I like to open each show with is, is just the topic of mindset. And, you know, what makes successful individuals such as yourself tick. I am so deeply curious as to, you know, what is going on in each individual's mind. Yours included. Like, let's say, you know, being an entrepreneur. Let's just take that. That is usually not a very well, I should say always. It's not a simple thing to do because there are many obstacles we must overcome. I mean, our very job is to solve problems. That is it. And so we're always faced with problems every day nonstop. And that is not for everybody. And that's okay. But for you, Amy, when you get up in the morning, when your eyes open, you wake up, you're coming to and you're now fully aware what is going on in your beautiful brain that is keeping you driven, keeping you motivated, keeping you hyper focused on what you want to achieve in your business and in your life in helping to serve others.

Amy Saltzman:
I think if I had to pick a guiding principle, it would be compassion for others and compassion for myself.

Brian Kelly:
And see, this is there's a theme here. Which one came first? I'm talking to the audience here. Compassion for self or others. I think you all know she said, Others first and then self. Both are equally as important. But here's the thing. She is driven by others first, and it is equally as important to be also cognizant of what you're doing for yourself. Because without you being able to achieve your own peak performance, how are you going to help others? I mean, you just said an entire shows worth of information in that one answer. Amy That was phenomenal because these are the little things that I love to pull out and extract and let people know is like, look, success is not rocket science. It's just, you know, really paying attention to the subtleties of what's going on up here and what's coming out of the mouth, because that's an extension of what's going on in your mind. And Amy, you just said it beautifully. In my humble opinion, you're all about others first, but you do not discount the importance of yourself, thankfully, because a lot of people think I'm just going to work for others and do everything for others, but I'm going to let myself go to crap and lose sleep and not take care of my health. Have you do.

Amy Saltzman:
That? Actually, we can't be compassionate or serve others well, so. Exactly. They go hand in hand.

Brian Kelly:
Yes. And God bless you for saying that, because there I know so many I, I am a card carrying member, a former member of doing just that where, you know, I would just be insanely busy and say I'm just here to help other people, but I let my health go to crap. I let my marriage almost go to crap. And thankfully my wife said, Let's sit down and let's have a chat. And we got through it. And she's my high school sweetheart. She's my why we're still together. Happily married and loving life. It's just, yeah, you got to take care of yourself and, you know, you know, you're in the airplane and the masks come down. They're giving that whole speech. They always say, Put the mask over yourself first and you're thinking, Man, that seems selfish. But if you're not okay and you're not getting oxygen, how are you going to help your kid next to you if they're in the seat? Right. I mean, it makes sense. Exactly. So you really need to be self mindful. And thank you for right off the bat stating the importance of that and love what it is, what you stand for. You know, we had a great little chat in the beginning and you you call out a couple of terms I personally was not familiar with in the beginning. And they were there were a couple of things, gosh darn it, I'm looking for them that I had not heard these terms. There was one about Spider, I remember. And what was the other? There was another one. Um. Gosh darn it. There's two terms that really had me curious, like, okay, what are we talking about?

Amy Saltzman:
Covert emotional abuse?

Brian Kelly:
Yeah, it had to do with that. It was. It started with a G, but I'm not going to.

Amy Saltzman:
Worry about.

Brian Kelly:
Grooming. That's it. Grooming. I had not heard about this term grooming or the the spider detection, I think it was called. So I'd really love to understand at a deeper level what those mean in the context of what you do for people like grooming.

Amy Saltzman:
So let me we're going to talk first about sports because that's kind of my primary. Passion. But these behaviors that I'm talking about show up in schools, in community activities, in religious settings, in businesses, in cults, in intimate relationships. And really, my intention is to teach parents to empower their children, teens and young adults to spot the behaviors of what I call sneaky spiders. Uh, to spot the behaviors of grooming and which can also be called covert emotional abuse. And then also to spot the behaviors, the more obvious behaviors of overt emotional abuse, like the yelling and the demeaning that we were talking about with your football coach, the physical abuse. Um, and then sexual abuse so that their children of whatever age are empowered to say to their parent or to a trusted adult, Hey mom or dad, I think my coach or my math teacher or my theater director is a sneaky spider or this is what this person's doing. And it doesn't feel right to me. So it's to educate the child, the parent, the family, hopefully actually the institution learns to spot these behaviors early so that people are not being abused, that we that we stop it early. So prevention.

Brian Kelly:
Yeah. Love this. You got me thinking even more. You know, as we were talking before the show about my experience in youth football, and it just occurred to me, my God, it had a big impact on me because the coach didn't yell at us to yell at us. It was just the way they knew how to. That was their way of of. Of getting the most out of the kids. And we were young. I mean, geez. Oh. Forget how old we were. It was a long time ago. Eight, nine, ten, something like that. And it's tackle football, full contact, full speed crushing into each other. We did calisthenics like leg lifts and things, and he literally would take us to the point of crying, all of us. And he wouldn't stop until we were crying and we would do calisthenics with a mouthpiece or running exercises like crawling fast with mouthpieces in our mouths. It's hard to breathe and we're bawling because we can't breathe. And I came to the conclusion that I could not be successful unless I suffered. That's what I get got out of that.

Amy Saltzman:
Right. And the thing is, it's fairly common in sports, somewhat in performing arts, sometimes in schools, but we often will put up behaviors with behaviors, particularly from a sports coach that we wouldn't tolerate in a school or, you know. And so one of my questions is, would this behavior be okay in a school? Would this behavior be okay in a boardroom? And if you can't answer yes to both of those questions, then the behavior is abusive and you may not know why, but at least you know that it's abusive.

Brian Kelly:
Interesting. And is it because that was, again, a long time ago and no one knew any different. I mean, we had parents observing this on the sidelines watching. No one said a thing. It was just the way it was done. But now, looking.

Amy Saltzman:
Back as a kid, you think, oh, well, my parents watching, so it must be okay.

Brian Kelly:
Right, Exactly. And I must I need to suffer to some degree in order to become a successful football player or take that and project it forward. A successful person. Right. So, yeah, absolutely. And I was very into sports in all of the sports and football was just one of them. And I literally I was telling you before that the games the games were fun. Oh, my God, they were so fun. That's why I did it. The practices were literal torture. Looking back on them, they were torturous. And that is why I ended up quitting after my three little seasons of being a youth football player. Never played again because of that. And I loved, loved, loved the games. I loved playing the sport. Looking back, I didn't even know that, you know, this was all because of the quote unquote, if you call it abuse, verbal abuse that went on.

Amy Saltzman:
For verbal abuse. And it sounds like also some physical abuse in terms of the drills.

Brian Kelly:
Yeah, the drills were, oh, my God, I don't know if you know what tackling dummies are. Those big round.

Amy Saltzman:
Things. Oh, yeah, I know.

Brian Kelly:
So they would lay them down on the ground to create and two on one side, two on the other to create a channel. And we would line up opposite ends and he would say, hike. And we would run full speed and crash into each other.

Amy Saltzman:
Right. We also didn't know a ton about concussions back then either. Um, but you know, one of the things is for people to learn, eh, what what specific. Very subtle emotional behaviors are abusive. What obvious emotional behaviors are abusive and then, um, really delineating physical abuse, including, you know, making people run till they cry or till they vomit or till they're dehydrated. Um, you know, things like making people have limited. Really reduced rate weight in some cases. Coaches making people dope.

Brian Kelly:
Oh, yeah.

Amy Saltzman:
And you know, all of that or coaches making players ignore trainers or doctors. All of that falls under physical abuse. And then also giving people, especially kids, empowering kids with anatomically correct language to talk about sexual abuse, because the data shows that kids who know proper terminology are much less likely to be abused than kids who don't.

Brian Kelly:
Interesting. Interesting. Hey, quick question. Did my video stop on your end?

Amy Saltzman:
It did. I was thinking, where did Brian go?

Brian Kelly:
All right. Well, we're just going to leave you at the forefront for the rest of the show because I'm doing everything I can to bring it back. But that's okay. It's about you. And so if you don't mind, we'll just keep you up front and center the entire rest of the show.

Amy Saltzman:
That's fine. I was I am glad to hear your voice because I thought maybe I'm just going to have to talk for the next hour until Brian comes back.

Brian Kelly:
Oh, my gosh.

Amy Saltzman:
Myself, my own questions and keep going.

Brian Kelly:
That would be awesome. It's a one woman show. I love it. Yes. Um. Yeah. This has never happened. This is an absolute first time it's ever happened, but that's okay. We go with it. The show must go on. And really the most important part is the audio. And let's be honest, you are far better looking than I am. So it's all good. It's all good.

Amy Saltzman:
No, I think I think we I think we're we're both doing well for our age. So there you go.

Brian Kelly:
Thank you for your kindness. It's very, very kind of you. So. Yeah. So I'm curious. This is. This is so, so, like different for me. And in a great way, I am learning new things. That's the one thing I love about being a host of this show. I'm constantly learning. You're you're a doctor. So can you can you go down that path of what you're a doctor in and the kinds of things you specialize in? So people get an even deeper look into your credentials and your believability, which is great in my mind.

Amy Saltzman:
Yeah. So I have three hats that we talked about. So my first hat is I'm a physician. I went to conventional medical school, I did a conventional residency. I was chief resident for a year. Um, and now I have a holistic medicine practice and I've been practicing holistic medicine for over 30 years now. So, um, long before it was cool or a thing really. Um, I served on the board of the American Holistic Medical Association back in the day. It's changed its name several times now, but I'm board certified in integrative and holistic medicine, so that's one hat. Uh, my other hat is that I'm a mindfulness coach, so I coach athletes, entrepreneurs, children, parents, health care workers, teachers, principals in applying the principles of mindfulness, which is a lot of what you were talking about with mindset before, um, to enhancing their performance, whether it's on the athletic field, in business, in school, you know, enhancing team communication. And then my third hat is this hat of being an abuse prevention expert and teaching children, teens and young adults to recognize what I say spot and stop abusive spiders, both sneaky spiders. The grooming and then the obvious spiders, the overt abuse, and then also helping institutions construct systems so that they are less likely to hire and house abusive spiders. Okay. Brian, are you here in, uh, in audio, if not in video, or should I just keep talking? There we go.

Brian Kelly:
Can you hear me now?

Amy Saltzman:
I can hear you now.

Brian Kelly:
This is crazy. What's going on?

Amy Saltzman:
Oh, you're.

Brian Kelly:
There we go. I'm going to stop messing with the camera, and we'll be done with that. So, my goodness. All right. So fantastic. Um, yeah. And we're kind of concentrating on this spot of spider type, um, theme here that, you know, we want to talk about Also, this is this is in addition to helping young individuals, also professionals in the sporting arenas primarily, but it also can permeate into business as well. And in every age and genre of life. Is is that a true statement?

Amy Saltzman:
Yeah. I mean, we see it everywhere, you know, in bosses abusing employees, priests abusing parishioners, scout leaders, abusing Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts. This is a good time to mention something that we talked about before. We tend to think of abusers as male and while the the vast percentage of them are male, I do want to point out that there are abusive women in these domains as well. And it's important to be able to recognize that, um, you know, we have the Weinsteins and the we have the very obvious cases, but I want people to be able to recognize it within their own environments where it may not be as blatant.

Brian Kelly:
And that's that's where the true dangers lie, isn't it, When they're not blatant, they're like the very charismatic individuals who have. You were mentioning before we came on the heels of an unfortunately famous Jim. Jim, what do you call him?

Amy Saltzman:
Teacher coach Larry Nassar, The team doctor. Yeah.

Brian Kelly:
Yeah.

Amy Saltzman:
And he wasn't he this is he's, he's interesting because he's in my terminology, he's, he's both a sneaky spider and an obvious spider, so he's a sneaky spider in his grooming. And you and I talked about he not only groomed the athletes, he groomed the parents, he groomed the coaches, he groomed the clubs, he groomed the community. He was a trusted pillar in his community until he wasn't. And the way he wasn't obvious, Spider was in his obvious, very blatant sexual abuse. And this is where those young girls would have been well served by being able to tell their parents very specifically. The doctor touched me here. The doctor touched my breast, the doctor touched my buttocks or my vagina used very explicit, clear language so that they could communicate the, you know, the appropriate level of abuse and therefore generate the appropriate level of concern for the parents.

Brian Kelly:
Yikes. That's just like it's you know, it's scary that this is all happening right now. Um, you know, and I look back and think about my kids who are both adults, wondering how much of this occurred, if any. And, you know, did anybody bring it to anyone's attention? Did we just not see it? You know, what would be some of the signals to parents that are not aware this is happening that can help them to be aware that, hey, there's something that's not right here.

Amy Saltzman:
So I want to talk about the sneaky spiders, the grooming and the covert emotional abuse, because I think that's the easiest part to miss. And the first thing that often that sneaky spiders do is they love bomb the child. And actually often even the parents. So love bombing can be anything from, you know, a little touch on the shoulder or like you're one of my best gymnasts or one of my best football players. It can be little gifts. It can be individual texts. Instead of texting on the team channel. Um, it can be extra time. It can be offering to give your kid a ride home. And most of us are trusting and we want to believe that the people we entrust our children to are safe. And I would say 90, 95% of the people we entrust our children to are safe. But I want people to be able to recognize the 5% who aren't. If someone gets suspicious about a sneaky spider, if a athlete or a student or a parent speaks up, usually the sneaky spider doesn't get defensive at first. Usually they get more charming and they say, Oh, you can trust me. This is how all great coaches coach their best ice skaters. There's no reason for you to worry. And then what happens for the athlete and the parent is they're thinking, Oh, well. You know, maybe I was making it up, or maybe this guy's not so bad. Or, you know, maybe I was worrying over nothing. If people continue to push back, then the. The sneaky spider will get pretty defensive and they'll kind of go on the attack and they'll say, you know, you don't know how good you have it, and you're so lucky to have me as a coach. And without me, you'd be nothing. And so they're playing on the athlete or the pianist or the actor's hopes and fears, right? The promise is I can make your dreams come true. And then the fear is, if you leave me, your dreams won't come true. So if your child's experience like big swings of hope and fear, that's of concern. Sometimes they brag. Sometimes if they're super sneaky, they'll brag and then say, Oh, well, I would never say I'm a great coach, but so-and-so said I was a great coach or whatever.

Amy Saltzman:
Um, then if they get caught, they tend to lie and deny and defend their behavior. The other thing they tend to do is they tend to isolate people so they have favorites and detractors. If. Say your child's teammate is raising concerns. The coach will say, Oh, don't listen to your teammate, your teammates, just jealous. She doesn't have what it takes to be great. If you as a parent are raising concerns, the coach may even try to get your child to doubt you. So they'll say, Oh, your parent doesn't know what it takes to be great. And they're they're just they're not being supportive. They're just thwarting your success. And really, you need to trust me. If you want to be great, you need to trust me and you should disregard your parents. And it creates a fissure between the parent and the child. If an assistant coach raises a question, they may just dismiss the assistant coach and say the assistant coach doesn't know what he's talking about or if it's within their power, they'll fire someone who's starting to point out their behaviors. And the worst thing that they'll do is actually get the the athlete to lie on their behalf. So the abusive spider will get the athlete to lie on their behalf. And there's a very terrible but telling story where there was a gymnastics coach, John Geddert, he was so abusive to one of his gymnasts that she attempted suicide. And then when he found out about it, he showed no remorse. He wasn't apologetic, he didn't self-reflect. He was worried for his reputation. And he actually demanded not only that the gymnasts lie and say that she had an allergic reaction. That was the explanation for why she missed practice. So he insisted that she lie about why she missed practice. But then he called the college coach who had offered this gymnast a scholarship and tried to get the college coach to lie and say that he had never contacted the girl and never offered the girl a scholarship. So when an they get deceptive, they get really cruelly deceptive. But we want to catch it. Before in that early in that early stage, if someone's if a coach is trying to be in most cases, I don't want to say all cases, but in most cases, if a coach is trying to be more than a coach or a teacher is trying to be more than a teacher.

Amy Saltzman:
Um, you want to be suspicious? Uh, certainly there are people out there who are really wanting to support people who may not have, you know, supportive family life or whatever, but you want to be careful because those people are also more vulnerable.

Brian Kelly:
Yeah. And I'm curious if you can help decipher more like help people out. The parents especially. I used to coach youth, youth kids. As a young man. I was in my 20s. I've always loved kids. I've always loved interacting with them, helping them and coaching them in sports. Because I was a sports fanatic myself, I will never forget when I was in Parks and Recreation, I was a coach for a kids team. We were on one half of the basketball court and there was another team on the other half. This is outdoor on asphalt and the other team was being coached by a grown adult man like 40s or 50s somewhere around there. And all I could hear in the back of my head was him continually yelling at his kids negative reinforcement and that my philosophy from Ground Zero was positive reinforcement. My philosophy is if you're if you are listening to me, if you are jumping off the correct foot when it's a layup, if you are giving everything you got and you miss the basket, I'm not going to yell at you. I'm going to say, good job. You did everything you could. You gave it all you had. That's all I can ask. But the guy on the other end was was chastising in his eyes failure. How does a parent discern just regular negative reinforcement from abusive type behavior? Are there like key elements they can look for?

Amy Saltzman:
Yeah, there's a couple things, but I think like if I was to give one nugget and we gave it before, but we'll emphasize it again, it's would this would this behavior be okay in a classroom or a boardroom? And if the answer is no, then it's abusive coaching. And I was a competitive gymnast. I'm a I'm still do a lot of sports. Like this isn't about asking your athletes to work hard to give it their all to push like that's part of sport, but it's the. The tone and like you said, the negative ness of it. And part of the other thing is part of what we're learning is. There's still this myth that that's what gets athletes to perform their best. But the science the research actually tells us that it's not. That's not how you get the best performance out of your athletes. And if people want a more detailed explanation of how do you determine if your coach is demeaning, demanding or supportive, I actually have a Psychology Today article and I can give it to you and you can put it in the show notes that goes through that.

Brian Kelly:
Yeah, if you drop that into the chat at some point, I know we're in the midst of an interview here. I can copy and paste that, put in the comments so everybody can see that instantly. Um, yeah, it's interesting. I kind of chuckled when you said, Is it okay in the boardroom? Would that be okay? And I went immediately to back in my corporate life where? I have. I had a friend. I became a friend of this gentleman who was a manager, not mine, but a different a whole different team. And I happened to be in his building and his office area this one day, and he had this whole team huddle around him and he berated, I mean, horrifically. One individual pulled them out and chastised him in front of all of his peers. And it was it was brutal. And I was in absolute shock because this is my friend. I'm like, oh, my God, that's your leadership style. That is horrible. And yeah, sometimes that's the way people lead in business as well. Right?

Amy Saltzman:
And what's interesting about that is, first of all, it's isolating and humiliating that individual. Yeah. And that's terrible. But then it's also ensuring that everybody else in the group is like, I am just going to shut up and toe the line because I don't want to be the next one. And so it's. It's creating a culture of fear. And any culture that's running on fear is an abusive culture, and.

Brian Kelly:
It's not going to be a very productive one. I've witnessed it too long, too many times. I've been on this planet long enough that the best form of reinforcement is positive. Is discipline necessary? Of course, there are times where it is, but rarely. If you develop the culture that is proactive and and and positive, you'll find that people love working with you. I never say for you, I say with you I make it a team environment and they love helping and doing. They're going to make mistakes and you'll correct them. But I don't ever yell at anybody like I know you're giving it your all. Mistakes will be made. We are human beings. Come on. Right. It's like so we'll point it out only for the purpose of, you know, we're all humans. We're like, Oh, I feel bad that I made a mistake no matter if someone's yelling at you or not. So the odds of you making that same mistake a second time are much more diminished. And if you didn't get shamed over it, you don't feel crappy about it. You just know I feel bad because of my own thinking and myself. I will do better next time. And so you just developed an incredibly powerful, positive culture that will do nothing but produce huge amounts of whatever you're looking for, for your, your, your entire team or your company, whatever the case may be.

Amy Saltzman:
Yeah, I have to I have a two parallel stories that will go back to your football for a minute. And these stories are in my book. But um, in one game, the Arizona Cardinals and the Seattle Seahawks are playing. It comes down to field kicks for both. Both kickers miss their field goals and by their stats. For both of them, the the field goals were easily makeable like they should have been made. So the Cardinals coach is interviewed after the game and said and he says, you know, this ain't high school. You gotta make it, baby. That's what you get paid for. That's the Cardinals coach response. The Seattle Seahawks coach Pete Carroll, who practices mindfulness, says. He's our guy. He's made great kicks for us all year. I know he's going to make more. We love him. And which kicker? The next time they go out, which kicker is going to be more relaxed, more at ease, more ready to bring their best? It's the Seahawks kicker like that. The poor cardinals kicker is going to be walking out there terrified that he's going to screw up and get berated again. And Seahawks kicker knows that Pete Carroll loves him and has his back.

Brian Kelly:
Yeah Pete Carroll, Sean McVay, two incredible examples of positive reinforcement and how they can get the most out of their people that aren't necessarily the most talented. And that is it. It's all about mindset. I think you hit it. I mean, yeah, you said it exactly. The mindset, the kicker that's on the Arizona Cardinals, next time he goes up, he's going to have that coach voice in the back of his head as he swings his leg through the ball. Good luck. It's just going to it just it tears your confidence apart. And especially when it comes to kicking, that's all you have. You have confidence or you don't. If you don't have it, you're going to you're not going to live long in that in that industry. They get fired all the time. And so yeah, right.

Amy Saltzman:
And it's the same with your friends employee like, yeah, they're not they're going to freeze up. They're going to have a great idea, but they're not going to feel safe to bring it to the group because they just don't want to get harassed again. You know, you're losing creativity, you're losing teamwork. You're losing trust when you when you interact, when you coach, when you manage that way.

Brian Kelly:
Yeah. Oh, hey, we got a buddy of mine, Robert Silverman. Hey, good afternoon. Sorry I'm late. I love it. He says, Imagine the closer for the Arizona Diamondbacks when he lost the game to the Yankees in the World Series two times. Yeah, it's like these things can just have lasting effects. Robert. Robert Silverman is an amazing man. If you ever need to buy or sell a home, this guy goes to the mat for you. He was my personal realtor. I cannot recommend anyone. I kid you not higher than him. Well, there's also one on the other side. That was the buying agent for us over here that she was phenomenally awesome as well. But Robert went through hell and back for us because we all went through hell and back and he went through the hardest part of it. And I appreciate you, Robert. Thank you for coming on, brother, and for communicating and engaging. Love having you on. You're an amazing, amazing man. And I appreciate you and love you, brother. So I wanted to Amy, I want to give you an opportunity real quick before we end, before I forget, is I want to elevate your you and your business. I want you to have the ability and the opportunity to talk about what it is you do when it comes to spot a spider.com. And so what I want to do is just I'll pull it up as a visual your website and let it scroll nice and gently as you if you're if you're okay with this, explain what it is you do. Who is your your target market. We kind of have an idea, but it'd be good to hear it. And then if you have a success story or two you'd like to share, I know everyone would love to hear that as well. Would that be okay? Perfect. Oh, cool.

Amy Saltzman:
So, um. The target market or a target market for spotted spider. The primary target market is parents who want to empower their children, teens and young adults to recognize grooming and abuse and to have the language to share concerns. The secondary market is coaches, schools, churches, community organizations who want to ensure that they don't hire and. Retain spiders. And so there in addition to the videos, there are a lot of free resources on the resources page. So there's, um, discussion questions for both videos. There's codes of ethics for organizations that are written in both kids speak and adult speak. There are anonymous participant It says athlete, but anonymous participant surveys so that if you run a club or a league and you want to find out what your again, I'll use athletes are experiencing with a coach. Um then you can get that feedback and find out if there are any concerning behaviors. There are policies and procedures for how to set up your organization to again, minimize the risk of hiring and retaining spiders. And so example, there's also a conduct agreement. And although I wish it wasn't true, at least if a spider comes to your organization and they have to go through all these steps to be hired, they'll be like, Uh, these people know what they're doing and they're not going to let me get away with what I want to get away with. So, um, I'm at least not going to try to apply for a job here. They may go down the street. I hope to eventually cover all the down the street so that they don't go anywhere. But we're working on that.

Brian Kelly:
That's fun. Oh, kudos. And I applaud you for that. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Policies and procedures to help filter out the undesirables that I would say I would call them. Exactly. Exactly. Interesting. There's a lot of, um, a lot of parallels here with, with just business. Like even when you want to hire employees or Vas is you want to filter out those that don't have the proper mindset, that don't have, you know, what I've learned over the years, it's not so much about experience as it is about mindset and ability to gel with your culture. And if either of the latter two are missing, experience means nothing. They could be the best website developer on the planet, but if they are not a mesh with you, your culture, your value system, they're going to be more of a cancer than they are a benefit. And you could you can always train somebody that has that that great desire, that great mindset and culture to become a phenomenal website designer. That's just an example I'm using. But I've learned that over the years that experience is not where it's at. It's really about mindset where one is and you know what? What are your intentions? That's what I think. That's the overall overriding word here is intentions. Are you going to be one of those, you know, spiders or are you going to be someone who's on the up and up?

Amy Saltzman:
Right. And there are simple questions and maybe they'll be sneaky and not answer them. Well, but even simple things like how do you how do you deal with an athlete who's scared? How do you deal with an employee who raises questions? Um, you know, if they kind of give you a my way or the highway answer that's of concern. Um. So those types of things can be you can you can build these into your hiring process.

Brian Kelly:
Yes, Yes. Thank you. And yeah, and I've developed complete surveys where I ask the questions, where I'll know before I even meet the person or even if I will meet the person if they are going to meet my grade without being, you know, in their face about it. Just simple questions that say, hey, I'm just without even having to tell them I'm determining if you're going to be a fit on the front so you can do there's some great things you can do to save yourself a lot of time as a business owner, as a parent, as a school person that's responsible for hiring and firing these individuals that will have, you know, reign over your kids during their sporting career. All right.

Amy Saltzman:
And I mean, if you talk about business, one of the business aspects of this is like it's minimizing your risk and minimizing your liability. Um, if you can take the policies and procedures on Spotted Spider and you can say, I've done all these things, then to me you told me you just moved to Florida. And in Florida, the insurance law is, um, if you have a pool and you have a alarm on your door and a gate around the pool and a cover on the pool, then even if some drunk teenager crawls over your fence and drowns, you can show that you went above and beyond to minimize the risk if you're an organization, especially a youth serving organization. But I would say any organization that can show that they followed all the policies and procedures on the spot of spider policies and procedures, then if something were to happen, which we're hoping it won't, um, you can say, look, we took all these steps, we did everything we could have possibly done to minimize the risk of abuse in our organization.

Brian Kelly:
I love it. Yeah. And it's. Yeah, again, it's. Yeah, you said it. You said it, too. Well, I can't. I can't add anything to it. That's perfect. So I wanted to, for our podcast listeners, make it clear where you can go to get this vital information. It's spot a spider.com if you go there, what would be their next step Amy Or is there a certain place to connect with you or what would you say is their next.

Amy Saltzman:
Yeah, I mean, I hope, I hope the website's pretty intuitive the the how to spot a sneaky spider, which is how to spot grooming and the how to spot an obvious spider, which is how to spot obvious abuse. The videos are on the first page. The one thing that we haven't talked about is if you are a school or you're a sports organization and you become a spot of spider affiliate and you say to all your parents, Hey, look, we want you to watch this with your kids at home, I will donate 20% back to your organization. So I want to support organizations that are protecting their participants from abuse. And that's my commitment to giving back. Um, the other way for organizations like schools or churches or sports organizations to do this is to have a community viewing. Um, and they can do that with me or without me, but they can show it to their whole community. They can have a discussion, there are discussion questions there for them to talk about with their community so that they can protect everyone.

Brian Kelly:
Fantastic. And one quick question by our good friend Robert Silverman. He said, Dr. Saltzman, question for you. Is there a good way to talk to your children about how to deal with the emotional abuse and to stop it from escalating in a school setting?

Amy Saltzman:
Yeah. So I want to know Robert, are you talking about emotional abuse by adults or. Brian and I were also talking about bullying, um, earlier before we got on. So I just want to clarify before I answer.

Brian Kelly:
Good, good, good. While we wait for that response, because there's a slight delay on these lives. Hey, did you notice I got my video back? I was pretty proud of that. A lot of way to go and hunting and pecking.

Amy Saltzman:
Nice to know you're here.

Brian Kelly:
You could carry it all by yourself. I have every faith.

Amy Saltzman:
Well, I did. I've had these moments where it's like, Oh, he's gone. So I'll just keep talking until he comes back.

Brian Kelly:
That's that's a sign of a true professional. Kudos to you. So Robert said, Yes. Fellow classmates. Fellow classmates.

Amy Saltzman:
Yeah. So, um. This is a whole nother topic that we might do another session on. But there's a lot of information on bullying, which is also called relational aggression or emotional abuse. And, um, I really feel like it's the adult's responsibility to recognize it and to recognize that usually the kids who are doing the bullying are doing it out of insecurity. It doesn't excuse their behavior, but it does mean that those kids, as well as the kids who are bullied, need support. I have. Completely separately. And so if you want to email me, Robert, I have a completely separate, um, team building bullying prevention curriculum that I created because my daughter was being bullied on a soccer team and I didn't deliver it to that particular team because it was too close to home. Um, a wonderful, wonderful man from the Positive Coaching Alliance delivered it to the team. Unfortunately, the bullying was really coming from the top in that the coach was having the girls compete against each other rather than with each other, and he didn't embrace the principles that I had offered through this guy from the Positive Coaching Alliance. But if you want help with that, just email me and we can we can talk about it and talk about finding someone to educate the adults to prevent it. And then if your child or a child needs support because they have been bullied or because they are bullying, we can talk about those options as well.

Brian Kelly:
Is it okay if we verbally give your email address?

Amy Saltzman:
Of course.

Brian Kelly:
All right. So that is Dr. Amy stands for Dr. Amy, not Jamie. Dr. Amy at still quiet place.com. Yes. That is another one of her business offerings that she has is still quiet place.com but doctor so Dr. Amy all one word at still quiet place.com if you want to get in touch with the amazing Dr. Amy Saltzman that is one other great way to go and I see comments to all he said thank you very much I appreciate this this is he's got a great, great heart. I got to tell you, he's an amazing young man. And so we are about to close up the show. And there is a gift. I displayed a little banner there earlier, but I want to be sure that everyone realizes that we are giving away a five night vacation stay at a five star luxury resort compliments of our sponsor, Richard Peak. And did you have a it wasn't clear if you had a gift about free videos or something, Amy, that I want to make sure they got or was that from your website?

Amy Saltzman:
I'd be happy to like, offer a mindful, like an audio mindfulness practice that you can share with your with your group.

Brian Kelly:
Fantastic. So would they just reach out to your email address and say, I would like that that way?

Amy Saltzman:
Yeah, I will probably find a way to put it up on your website just so I don't have to individually send it to everybody.

Brian Kelly:
Very good. We'll talk about that after the fact. So fantastic. So stick with us. We have one final question, Amy. And this is a it's a doozy in a good way and a good way. And that is I ask this question periodically, randomly, sporadically. This show has been going on for over right around five years. And I started realizing and recognizing the answers were profound. And I finally said, My gosh, I got to ask this of everybody. So it is now my closing question of every show. And with your permission, later down the road, I would like to include your answer into a collaborative book by the very title of the question that I'm about to ask you. And so that'll give you even more exposure. I know you don't want that or desire that, but the thing is, it's a very profound and powerful question. It's very slightly, in a way personal, but not really. And I know I'm building it up pretty good. And the thing is, before we go to that real quick, I do want to give away this prize, a five night vacation stay at a five star luxury resort because it's an amazing prize. Many people have taken it. I have a good buddy who has actually used this twice and said, no, you're not whisked away to the basement and water drip, tortured and asked to buy a timeshare. Nothing like that. You get you are treated as if you are a full paying resort visitor. It's phenomenal. So I'm going to put that on screen. Write this down. Don't go there. This is going to be you write it down and then visit the URL after the show is over. We'll be monitoring. It'll be fine because I don't want you to miss I want you to stay in the room. I don't want you to miss the answer Amy has for this amazing question. So real quick, let me pull up the information, write this down and then enter to win. After we say good night on this show. The URL you want to write down right now is report I forward slash vacation all lowercase. So it's R stands for rich or peak sponsors dot m forward slash vacation write that down and enter to win after the show closes and I cannot wait to see who the lucky winner is. So, Dr. Amy Saltzman, we have one final question. Here's the beautiful thing about it. There is no such thing as a wrong answer.

Amy Saltzman:
Awesome.

Brian Kelly:
It doesn't exist. It's not a test. It's cool because in fact, the exact opposite is is the case is the only correct answer is yours because it will be unique to you. That's the only thing that makes it personal. So now you can, like, relax on that too, and still go, My God. But I'm getting curious. I'm still like amped up, am curious. And so with all that build up. Are you ready?

Amy Saltzman:
I'm ready.

Brian Kelly:
All right. Dr. Amy Saltzman, how do you. Define. Success.

Amy Saltzman:
Hmm. Peace in your heart. Healthy, loving relationships and being of service.

Brian Kelly:
Uh. Straight to the point. Perfect. Because it was your answer and beautiful. And so you're going to take up maybe a paragraph in the book and it will be a powerful paragraph. It'll be a chapter in its own right. And it didn't matter the length, the time it took you to come up with all of it was perfect. Every single person is. Here's one observation I have that is truly remarkable. Not a single I've been doing this quite some time. Not a single, not two people. No. Two people have answered that exactly the same way yet. And the other very intriguing part is not one person, not one named anything to do with money as being their primary definition of success. Not one, not a single person, which blows my mind in a great way. I am so, so happy for humanity that this is how this is going. And that's because I get to interview successful entrepreneurs. That is the soul of all of us. We just love to help and serve others. You just said it right there, so I appreciate you. Amy, you are you are a blessing to all. You are helping. Oh, my gosh. We still have more comments coming. We got to close it up. I love it. I'm not going to. It was just a funny. So I appreciate you I appreciate, Robert everyone who came on to watch who have been engaging. Amy, is there one final parting? Thought you'd like to leave all of these amazing people with both who are watching live. We're going to watch it recorded, who are going to listen to it on 35 podcast platforms. Is there any final parting words of wisdom you'd like to leave everyone with before we say good night?

Amy Saltzman:
Yeah, I think I would say take good care of yourself. Take good care of your friends and family. Take good care of your extended family, meaning our communities and. Watch out for sneaky spiders.

Brian Kelly:
Take care. And watch out for those sneaky spiders. I love it. Dr. Amy Saltzman, on behalf of this amazing young lady, I am Brian Kelly, the host of the Mind Body Business show. I cannot wait to see you all again on the next episode. Until then, please do at least two things. Two things. And that is, one, go out and continue to crush it in your business and serve more people. Scale and grow and serve more. Number two, above and beyond all else. Please be blessed, everyone. That is it for us tonight. Here. We love you. We we are appreciative of you. And we will see you again next time. That's it. Take care for now. So long, everybody. Thank you for tuning in to the Mind Body Business Show podcast at www.theMindBodyBusinessshow.com my name is Brian Kelly.

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