Special Guest Expert - Riana Milne
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Welcome to The MIND BODY BUSINESS Show. The three keys to your success. It's just moments away. Here's your host, Brian Kelly.
Hello, everyone, and welcome, welcome, WELCOME to The MIND BODY BUSINESS Show! I am so, so excited because we have an amazing expert in the field of mindset. With us tonight. Oh, my goodness. I'm getting goose bumps on my arms. I'm not kidding. I love what I get to do real quick. The MIND BODY BUSINESS Show. What is that all about if you've never seen the show real quickly. In my now fifty five years on this planet, I began studying those who are successful, specifically those who are successful and started noticing certain patterns develop and why they had achieved that level of success that they were they were getting. And I realized that and they kept coming up over and over and over. And so I said, my goodness. So there's actually three areas. One is mine, which means mindset. Successful people have figured out how to develop a rock solid, very empowering mindset. And we're going to go deeper into that tonight on the show. So I'm going to move past mindset, even though it is probably the most important aspect of your success, whether it be business or personal. And then there's body that is literally about taking care of your body. Those who are successful tend to do this. They exercise regularly. Doesn't mean every single day, but regularly. And they are very cognizant of what they are in taking as far as nutrition, whether it's food or drink. And that's another pattern I found that developed in many successful people and then business. Oh, my goodness. That is so multifaceted. There are so there's sales. There's marketing. That's a big one. Team building scaling, systematizing. The list goes on and on and on. And those that are successful have mastered all three of these areas, mind, body and business. And when it comes to mind and body, it's like they are like a team mind and body. Your mind and body are team. More specifically, more importantly, they are your team. So if both if either one of the team members is not operating at a peak level of performance, then you can guess that the team as a whole might be suffering. And so it's very important first to set the foundation for your success, for your life, and that is through mindset and taking care of your body. And that's going to be a big part of the topic of tonight's show. I'm so excited. And another thing I noticed with successful people beyond mind body business. In fact, this goes into the mind realm once again is most successful. People are very avid readers. They love to read. And with that, we're going to quickly Segway into a little segment. I like to appropriately call bookmarks. Here we go.
Bookmarks, born to read, bookmarks. Ready steady read bookmarks brought to you by ReachYourPeakLibrary.com.
And there you see on the screen, ReachYourPeakLibrary.com. And one quick note for all of you watching either live or listening later. The recording is. Stay with us. In other words, take notes, take out a pen and paper, literally, you know, the old school instrument and take notes and write down the resources that you hear during the show. Instead of going off and typing in a Web site address and checking it out, because as they say and as I say, the magic happens in the room. And I would really I would really be disappointed if you were to miss one golden nugget by our guest expert, Riana Milne, who's coming on very soon. So stay with us. Take notes. And you're going to love the values that this young lady is going to bring to the show. I kid you not. There's going to be phenomenal. ReachYourPeakLibrary.com. That is a Web site that I personally put together as a result of finally getting in the habit of reading books. I didn't start reading books voraciously until just several years ago, and then I became a sponge. I finally learned that this was one of the key elements for becoming successful. And so this Web site I put together, these every book you see in this Web site, I have read and more importantly, vetted, meaning not every book has made it to this list that I've ever read. And so that is here to help you, the entrepreneur or the business person that's looking to increase your success, increase your your personal prowess in in all areas. And so this is really my gift to you. It's not a money making Web site. It is there for you to go. And you can pick out books that at least been vetted by one other successful person. So that way, the odds of you wasting time on a book are greatly decreased. And so that's there for you. And enjoy it. Write it down. Don't go there yet, because it is now time already fantastically to bring on our wonderful special guests expert. Here we go.
It's time for the guest expert, spotlight, savvy, skillful, professional, adept, trained, big-league qualified.
And there she is, ladies a gentlemen.
How are you, Brian?
The one, the only, Riana! How are you doing?
I'm great. Thank you so much for having me tonight. Happy to be here.
I'm so excited. I cannot tell you because you are an expert in the field that I love so much. And it's just we're gonna have a rocking good time. Is that OK if we have a good time on this? That would be great. Absolutely. Before I jump in and formally introduce you, I want to remind everyone that's watching live that if you stay on to the end, you get a chance to win a five nights day at a five star luxury resort in Mexico, all provided to us by our sponsors, as you can see up in the corner. Power texting dot com. And we give away a vacation every single week on this show. And just so you know, these vacation days are not something to snare you in to a timeshare presentation, which many have in the past. I know that for a fact, because the actual sponsor, the owner of the company protecting Inc.com has actually used this very vacation yourway himself, no less than three times. And so each and every time he said it was a phenomenal experience. So be sure to stick on to the end. Now it is time to introduce the one and only Riana Milne. She is a certified global life dating and relationship coach, a number one best selling author, the host of her podcast called Lessons in Life and Love. She is an educational speaker, a certified trauma and addictions professional, and is a licensed mental health counselor for close to 20 years in Palm Beach County, Florida. Amazing. Already she was also a life and dating coach for the docu series Radical Dating Finding Lasting Love over 40. And get this, her client is now happily married. So do you think she knows what she's doing? The answer is yes. Specializes in those who have had past childhood dating or relationship trauma and offers one on one VIP coaching, an online virtual coaching programs for both singles and couples at her life and Love Training Academy. Dot com. I love it with that. Now, finally, introduce the wonderful Riana Milne.
Thank you so much. That's really sweet. Thank you, Brian.
Yes. I'm so excited to have you here. I cannot tell you how much I think you can tell a little bit about the jump out of my chair. I'm so excited. One thing I love about introducing guests is the bios are amazing. Yours is no exception. My goodness, you are so like accomplished and you're very welcome. And you have the talent that helps people. And that's what's near and dear to my heart. That's something I know you love to do. You're very serving individuals who loves to help people. I don't think you'd be in the field you're in if you didn't. I mean, come on.
It's definite. It has to be a passion. Yes, for sure.
And it shows all over. Look at just watching your face right now as we talk about your glowing. You're you're smiling. You're excited. And one of the things I love to do is, is once we learn more about you and your accolades, your accomplishments, your past experience is I always love. I'm very curious. I'm a very curious person. I love to dig deeper into a successful person's mind. And yes, that's we're talking about yours right now. And to do that and we're not talking about anything crazy is just getting a little deeper and find out what makes people like you successful. People like you, Riana. What makes you tick? And so like in the morning when we get up, you know, if you're anything like me or a little groggy. Right. And you got to kind of raise up out of bed, swing the feet over the bed. They hit the floor. And now you start coming to what I'd like to say and we start coming into, you know, realizing the days ahead and we're either motivated or not. People like you are motivated. There is no doubt. You cannot be motivated to do successful at it. So for you, when you start to come to, so to speak, and you notice that day is coming and you know, it's there and you get to know, go help more people. What is it for you, Riana, that motivates you? What's going on in that beautiful brain of yours?
Well, I wake up a little bit differently. I usually wake up alone without the alarm about 10 to 15 minutes before the alarm goes off at 7:30. So I stretch for about 10 minutes and bad like your muscles are warm. It's the best time to stretch. And as I'm doing that, I think of the three goals for the day that I want to make sure I get done and in what order of importance must be done.
And then if I have more time, I'll do go four and go five. But that's been a routine of mine since my 20s. Always thinking what way it is I have to do today. So I don't have that sleepy feeling when I get up. But at time I do get out of bed. I know where I'm going. I'm focused on what I want to do. And then I once I am dressed, I get a protein shake and then I sit down and meditate for 15 minutes, which is a very important part of focusing my brain as well as giving gratitude for the things I do have and getting into my my spiritual presence, which is a really important part of my business success. So what motivates me? Basically, the things that I have gone through in my life, you know, I've always wanted to be a counselor since I was very young. I used to do a lot of motivational writing when I was in high school. I used to write these little mini journals. So people say, can I read what you're writing? They used to say, this is good.
This is motivational. And I've gone through a couple of painful relationships. And after the second one, I decided to really focus my niche on the correlation that I made between toxic partners for lack of a better word and the fact that they had childhood trauma. And I had to figure that out for myself. So it was part of my forgiveness and my healing with that partner. And I had great love for him. And it was a devastating situation at the time for me and my daughters, my family. And I needed the understanding and me being a psychotherapist, I had seven psychotherapist friends. I'm like, what did he have? What made him do these things? He did. And everyone was baffled because even though of a triple master's and apply clinical and counseling psychology, this was information we did not learn in school. So I was so fascinated with the research. I just was so excited to bring this out to the world globally and do the correlation between childhood traumas and how that blocks people in life, love, business and even parenting.
I love that statement. It makes me love every bit of it.
And so much does happen in our formative years, especially between 0 and 7. These are. I'm going back to an open training that I've been through and that can actually plot a course to your your actual results. And I love that you are going in and identifying those and helping people to overcome what has been holding them back from the life they truly deserve, that they want and that they deserve. And that's that's a beautiful what you do. And I wanted to point out, for those of you that are watching and taking notes, hint, hint, wink, wink, that yet another pattern that Rihanna just brought up that I hear over and over and over again. And it's usually from as a result of that very first question, and that is that they have a routine. Mm hmm. And you notice Rihanna said she's done this. She's had a routine since her 20s. And so it's not something she just started doing. And then I'll do it now and then here and there. It's a routine. She's disciplined. And that's one other trait of this highly successful people. And notice she spends time on her mind and her body. She meditates, she goes over three goals and she has a protein shake as well. So there you have you have mind and body already starting the day. That's why Rihanna is where she is. She's successful. She's in Florida. She's helping people and she's rocking it. And I'm so fortunate to be on the other side interviewing you right now, Rihanna.
Thank you, Brian. I think another part of it, too, is when someone can take their pain and make it their passion and their purpose. It's really important to have purpose in your work. Me being very spiritual, I feel that we are all human beings here and this Fuerth world for a reason. So it's important you find your reason. And how can you give back whether it's to humans, to the earth, to animals, just making a difference in some way? And that to me is, you know, helping people heal from the things that I went through with both childhood and love trauma. You know, it gives me purpose. That's that's why I love what I do so much.
And, you know, because of the fields you're in and what you're dealing with, trauma. I mean, I can imagine that that's got to be. Somewhat of a challenge at times, probably not for you haven't done it for so long. But, you know, that's not a positive thing that people went through that they're going to bring back up. How do you. How do you maintain? Because to become and remain a successful person, it really takes a rock solid, positive mindset.
Yeah. I mean, I work hard and I play hard. I don't take it. Once I'm done my work, I can close it off and really go into something different. You know, I really love world travel. I do that a lot. I love dancing. I love music. I was out dancing last night to a Motown band. I mean, my friends are really great company and I can just drop work when I drop it. But when I'm with my client, I'm super focused and I am already prepared that most clients come to me very high anxiety, bouts of depression, feeling very frustrated and love. They keep having repetitive toxic relationships or they may be struggling at work. They stay with work because they're afraid of change and they hate their job. So there's a lot of negatives and fear and low trust in the clients when they come to me. But I'm so used to it that it doesn't really shake me. But it just takes me a couple of such sessions to get them to just relax and open their mind and their hearts to learning something new. And then I look at vitamin therapy. I put them on vitamin therapy. My clients are not on psychotropic drugs.
So we do everything holistic mind, body, spirit to heal. And then we make the unconscious to conscious awareness. So no longer they acting from a fear based unconscious mindset. Instead, you know, when they learn the tools are working from full conscious awareness to make their decisions, their goals and go for their dreams with more confidence.
My goodness. And that's it. The fear based mindset is who holds people back from greatness. And interesting because we have similar paths in that in that area. Riana, which I love about this, is, you know, once I learned Michael myself personally that it was really fear that was holding me back from really achieving what I would deem success and then learned the tools and techniques to release that fear. Wow, what a difference.
My goodness, isn't it? It's phenomenal. And I called the other side of the rainbow. You're starting out not knowing what you don't know.
And it's a very frustrating, scary, sad place to be. And then once you start getting these skills, you're going to do better and feel better. But then you'll slip because the unconscious is so strong and there's behavioral patterns from your childhood. Those coping mechanisms come out later as emotional triggers our poor behavioral patterns. And we need to break, although it's not only the thinking patterns, but the doing or the reaction or the blaming or the feeling like a victim. There's all these different things that are part of that negative past and we've got to break those habitual habits to get you clear and clean. And it's so funny you said that. I have an aura because we talk about that all the time when my clients are on the other side of the rainbow that you can just see their or their energy, their their peace, their calm, their happiness levels are very, very evident. It's almost like an anti-ageing trial against the well, you know, people feel and look much younger than their years just because they just feel so good and happy about life.
And it's all because of the mind and how powerful our minds are. We have no idea. You have a better idea than most, I'm sure. And the beautiful how wonderful that you get to witness that, you know, on a daily basis. I can see what would motivate you for sure. Knowing that at the end of the other side, the rainbow, they're gonna have that glow. They're gonna have that youthful, freed, liberated mind that's allowing them to be who they truly were meant to be. Yes. So what you do for people's a good sense of. God bless you. Thank you. Thank you. Really, I truly, truly mean that. That is phenomenal. And for those of you watching, we're going to get a little deeper into what Rihanna does and learn how she can help you. If you're a potential candidate, then we definitely want to get you connected with Rihanna. The show is not about selling things. It's not about pitching things. It is about providing value and providing solutions for those who are ready for it. And if that person is you, then we will give you the opportunity to reach out and connect with Rihanna. Highly recommend you do just from the short time I've known her article. She is a mover and shaker and she helps people in phenomenal ways. It's it's hard to explain to those who've not gone through any kind of mindset.
Work, Rihanna. You know, it's like I don't know how to tell you. You just have to experiences what I would always say.
The thing is, most people don't think they have childhood trauma. And I when I first was reading this, it's like, oh, he had them. I didn't you know, I had a few bumps. Road, but I didn't have trauma.
And then the research was saying 90 percent of people, adults have 1 to 3 of the 10 traumas I'm going to describe and I developed my list based on the years of psychotherapy and every job I had was working with kids from traumatic backgrounds. So I was in a hospital setting working with kids who were so suicidal, cutting runaways, drug and alcohol abusers from the foster care system. Then as a drug and alcohol counselor, I was in a drug rehab center for adolescents and with one for women with the with the prison system, which we call drug court. They were released from prison, allowed to go to a rehab. And then I worked in the schools as a specialty counselor called a sack S.A.C. student assistance counselor, working with a troubled upset kids. So kids might've been ADHD or positional defiant, the bully's or the bleed kids, the loners just somewhat traumatically upset. And they came from homes that were upsetting for them. So all that in combination. And then what I saw in my partners, I just kind of put this list together. Another are more than 10 that I identify. But I talk about the top 10 when I'm interviewed. And then people here and it's like, wow, that makes sense, OK. Yes, I did have this happen and I was doing the research. I did identify mine as well. So then it started making sense where I was attracting troubled partners into my life. So, yeah. Would you like me to go into those 10? Yes, please.
Ok. All right. So when I do, if you'd like to write this down on a piece of paper, there's three columns you put me. And the first one the second column would be partner or a partner you remember struggling with. And the third one would be parents. And you could put mom, dad or both. When I go through the list, because later, the Kaiser Permanente Group with CDC, Center for Disease Control also did a childhood trauma study. But their correlation was working with those with childhood trauma and how later disease came out in their life much earlier in life as well. So we're talking like M.S., chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, diabetes, so many different cancer, heart attacks, heart disease. So all those have a correlation to early disease and illness onset. But they didn't really do life love in business. And that was the end that I really research. So our lists were different initially. And I work based mine on on the people that I've worked with. So I'll go through this list now. When you're young, you know, I don't want you to place now today blame on mom or dad because parents do that the best that they know how. And remember, they have probably come from trauma themselves. And then we don't want you to feel shamed either because you were young and innocent and you can't help the home environment that you happen to live in. You know that you were a part of. So we're just trying to look this at that as a factual way.
In a factual way. OK. So first, the if you were a child that grew up with any addictions in the household. Now, Kaiser studies suggest drugs and alcohol. So maybe an addictions counselor. I say drugs, alcohol, sex, which is a chronic cheater of a parents porn, gambling, hoarding, eating, spending, workaholism, gaming, TV, watching. There's eleven addictions there and there's more. But those are some common ones. Number two is verbal abuse. So if you witness mom and dad yelling and screaming each other. But I also define if you never heard the words I love you or you didn't get compliments, if you didn't hear Words of Endearment like, I love you, honey, I'm proud of you. Those types of things. A lot of kids grew up not hearing that. And instead, you might have heard something you'll amount to no good. Yeah, that's good. But still not good enough. You always heard these messages. It's not good enough. That's trauma number two, verbally. OK. Number three is emotional abuse and neglect. Number four is physical abuse, like beatings, any kind of beatings, rape or molestation. And those two could have happened inside or outside of the home. The next trauma is abandonment and identify two types of abandonment. The first one I call no fault. So it's no fault of your parents if they happen to die early or if they have to go off and serve at war. A child is always left wondering, is my mom or dad OK? Well, they'd be making it home.
It's a very scary feeling for a child. And the third one would be if your parent happened to travel a lot to support the family. And I identify myself in that one because my dad, we did know it, the family. But he was like James Bond. He was FBI and CIA. And we did not know it. We got letters from Ronald Reagan and William Casey thanking him for his many years of service. But I do remember as a child asking my mom, when's dad coming home? And she would be all disgusted. Well, I don't know where he is that I'm I get. Why? Why? Well, where is he? Is he OK? You know, so that was a nerve wracking thing for a little child. Default abandonment would be if a parent never was active in your life or if there was a divorce and they happened to go off and not really see you on a regular basis or they promised to see you and break their word, or even if they see you, they kind of check out and they're like only watching the football games or it's a woman who's only involved with her new boyfriend. And you're just sitting in the room on your computer. OK. There's really not much interaction there. So that would be a thought abandonment. The next one would be if your part of adoption foster care system or had to go live in another household because your parents couldn't keep you in their household trauma. Number seven is one of the most popular that I call personal trauma.
So that's if you remember being different in some way, you might have been a skinny and gawky kid or someone call you know, they called you nerd or you might have been overweight and you were tease for that. You might have had asthma and not chosen for the sports team or being labeled ADHD and felt different because of that. It could have been a racial thing where you felt different in school because you weren't like most of the other kids. So there's many different ways that trauma number seven could come out. And it's a very, very popular one, leaving you feeling not worthy or not good enough. It's trauma number eight, as I call a sibling trauma. Now, this one, your sibling could have bullied you. They could have been born with a medical issue which commanded more of moms and dads time or most commonly, you perceive them to be the golden child. They got more moms and dads attention. So they might have been the super athlete or really pretty or really handsome or super smart, whatever it was. They you could see mom and dad praise them all the time. You just didn't feel like you could measure. Up next, one number nine has two parts. The first part is family trauma. This is if a parent was incarcerated, if you had to move a lot due to your military family, you're always the new kid in a different school every two to four years.
If you came from lack and poverty or a dangerous neighborhood. And bringing in from the later list is one that's becoming unfortunately so profound and that I call community trauma. These are school shootings are community shootings, anything where big communities are loss. And by things such as Mother Nature, floods, fires, hurricanes, mudslides, volcanoes made whole communities are being wiped out. More and more often we're seeing these types of things occur. Scary for the adults. Can you imagine little children going through this? And then the last one is if there's a mental health illness in mom or dad, and the two most difficult to navigate is bipolar. I'm borderline. So bipolar personality disorder I describe as bipolar is manic depressive. So manic is could be a gambling spree, a spending spree, an eating binge, OK. And depression can come out by you checking out or even through anger. And the other one, borderline personality disorder I describe as quick tempers. Moody when they're good, they're great. But when they're bad, they're horrid. And you never know which one you're going to get. So that leaves a kid in a state of high anxiety. So those are the 10 that I saw over and over again with the populations that I worked with. And in the husband that with struggled, he actually had nine out of 10 traumas. And then I look at the severity levels from 1 to 10. So let's say a child being B had three bad beatings in his childhood. They say, well, that was really bad. I'm going to give that a three. And then somebody who's beat three times a week, that's obviously a 10. So the severity levels make a big difference. And on the high scale, this is where you see your sociopaths and psychopaths and a psychopath as a sociopath who kills sociopath is someone that uses people for pleasure or profit.
Yeah. Yeah. Was going down as you're going down the list. You know, I'm trying to think and have someone have that many. Wow. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. And so you're fortunate. Feel for them, right?
Yes. Well, yes. And when you understand that, that's why I said yes. He had a really rough go of it when he was a child. And, you know, instead I felt compassion and the ability to forgive. But then at the same time, I have to say, OK, I have to be knowledgeable again. I'm choosing someone who's emotionally healthy, right? And consciously aware and not taking high risks that not only ruin their reputation, their job, but because they're attached to me. It would ruin mine as well. So that's a tough place to be when you're on the other side of that.
And it's amazing, you know, just stirs up all these thoughts, like when you meet people and they may be you know, they may not react to you in the way you want them to. But we don't know that they could have been on this list and had a lot of those going on that are still with them that are amazingly enough, BROWNWYN.
When people have trauma track, people have trauma and these relationships early on or like love bombing, like a lot of texting, falling in love fast. Want to be exclusive right away. This is the guy that might ask the girl to marry him within two or three months. And ladies, that's a real red flag. You know, that's a scary thing. So, yeah, in the beginning. And then you see once it gets more commitments. So whether they move in together, they get engaged to get married or there's a child. Then the mood disorders and the problems escalate after there's some other form of commitment. Yeah, that's usually about four months to nine months in.
And I think that's a that's almost true of any relationship, whether it started out healthy or not, as after the kids come. Oh, boy. The whole. Everything changes in it. Some of it's good. And someone is like, oh, man. This is difficult. How do we keep our relationship going?
I got to say, the millennial men, I have a lot of respect for today. You know, I'm watching my son in laws, the amazing fathers, Charles and Preston shout out to you guys. And they do change the diapers and take care of the kids and feed the kids. And in my generation, the men didn't do anything. You know, the woman worked and then cooked and then cleaned and then took care of the kids. I mean, we were at super burn out. And I think that's why there was a lot of divorces in our baby boomer generation.
You know, it's like I had the husbands just one more kid. So, you know, but I'm seeing the millennial men really, really stepping up. And I believe this is why they saw their mothers with this struggle. You know, when the father was kind of the absent dad or he'd go to work, come home and sit on the couch and wait for dinner to be served. So I really think the millennial men are really picking up and they're being better parents. They are being teens, you know, helping with the child raising. And I see that in my family.
I think I stick to here really fantastic to hear, because it seems from the outside looking in vantage point that the opposite is happening as far as family unity and strength and binding based on just what we see. You know, the problem is it's the media, it's the news, the gender. They don't really want to report on good things. It's just those that are shocking and horrible. So we could go down a rabbit hole on that. I don't want to. And so very interesting and intriguing. And the fact that I mean, think about this for those you watching and listening. This young lady to my left, to your right on the screen knows how to help you. To overcome an act in spite of these childhood horrible things that happened, these traumas and some of them you may not even be aware of until you talk to Rihanna and she might. I've had this happen to me as well. That's why I bring that up. Oh, my gosh.
I completely forgot about that. Wow. You know, these big realisations come up and it might be interesting to tell them a couple examples of how this can come up. You know, we're talking about business. So the fear based mindset of I'm afraid to invest in myself if I buy a business coach.
Will it work? What if it doesn't work? And there's all this angst and anxiety and they don't believe in themselves enough. This usually comes from trauma. Number seven, the personal drama or the verbal trauma? Number twos. When you've heard maybe from your parents, you'll amount to no good or your opinion doesn't matter. You know, I'd rather see you than hear from you. Just keep your mouth shut. You know where your opinion is not respected. So it's really important that we analyze what is showing up for you now. Just the opposite. Let's take an example of, you know, the beautiful story of Oprah Winfrey. She came from a lot of poverty. She. There's a lot of prejudice against her. You know, she was going to into the news media. They told her she was too overweight. Is that our color was too dark. She had all these verbal messages and not feeling good enough.
But her mindset was so focused on wanting to succeed. And she had a regimented plan and she was focused to the point of really succeeding. So it can be one way or the other when it comes to the business. The mindset for success, if you have that in place, can really accelerate you. Another beautiful biography is Quincy Jones. You know, very much excelled in the music industry and film and mentored a lot of young people to their success in those areas as well. And at the end of the biography, they give all his awards and his acclaims and they said, is there any areas that you failed in? He goes, Yeah, I failed in love, you know. So he couldn't hold on to his relationships. And his relationships with his children suffered most of his adult life until as he got older, he was able to patch that up. But very interesting. I watch a lot of biographies to see how the childhood traumas impacted them in good and bad ways. I mean, let's face it, we have a very high ranking official in politics, so I will not say the name. And he has a lot of what we call blurting out, OK, blurting out as saying totally inappropriate things and just leaves people saying he said what's right and blurting out is a sign of childhood trauma.
He had an alcoholic father who was quite a business tyrant. His biography was saying he was not able to play with kids on the weekends. He was cleaning toilets of his father's apartment buildings, you know, and so you know that how people end up. I remember seeing a news report and saying, do you think he has mental health issues? I'm like, no, he has until childhood trauma. It's very clearly evident to me what it is. And this can also, you know, bring on narcissism. And again, the sociopath, people who don't apologize, people who are ruthless in business. What does that show? American scandals or something where they talk about all the business people that have ripped other people off? That's a sociopath, right, using someone for pleasure or profit. So unfortunately, when I was doing my research, I said one in twenty five people were sociopathic. Now today they're saying like six and seven out of twenty five are sociopathic.
Yeah. Because the traumas are worse and the families are falling apart, you know. So it's not a surprise to be honest.
But it is sad at the same time. Yeah, I know that. And thankfully we have someone like, you know, all that are watching this now can look, you may not find that you want or need her services, but you might. I'm sure you can think of somebody who might be in that camp and you could very gracefully introduce them. And I'm sure Rihanna can help you with that.
I a lot of people, Brian, very successful in business, but struggle in love and they can't figure out why. So that was the one that said, OK, I don't hear compliments at home. So I'm going to work so hard and get all A's or some BS and I'll get love from my teachers and at least I'll be smart, you know? And then if they got went home with a good report card, they feel a little love and gets finally a compliment from their mom or dad. But then they end up working very hard and ended up being very successful in business. But the underlying thing, let's say they had a father who was very uptheir. Karaian very strict. He used to beat them or scream at them, you know. That was then still not healed, right? So when it came to love, chemistry is one of the worst ways to fall in love. It's funny, all these dating profiles men say must have chemistry and that's all they go on. And it really I describe chemistry as the icing on the cake. Without the cake, the icing just melts. It's gone, right? You need the substance. What is their character? What is their value system? What is their behavioral patterns? Can you trust them? Are they good with money or they're responsible? Are they a good parent? You know, who are they as a person? This is what women really care about. The chemistry is just in a present.
It's icing on the cake. So building that integrity piece, you know. Who are you as a person? That's a most important thing. So you know a woman. I see a lot of women that are people pleasers. Where does that come from? That comes from, let's say woman had an alcoholic, difficult mother. And in the morning she would get up to get her siblings ready for school, pack the lunches, get them dressed, get them out to the bus, and then she might not get yelled at and be just here. Thanks, Hun, and get a little bit of love. So this is someone always overdoing to either keep peace in the house or keep peace for themselves. That was their coping mechanism. Then as a woman, this might be someone that comes in in a coupled relationship. And I hear I've totally lost myself. I do everything for my husband and my kids and nothing's done for me. And they're burnt out. They're exhausted. They're stressed out. They feel disrespected and unloved. And so we have to rework on that boundary. It's funny, somebody with a lot of humor. I did a study on comedians with comedians who used humor to get popular at school. They might have had trouble at home. So they came in and they told jokes they were the class clowns. So they became popular by using humor. And a lot of comedians tell about their sad stories as kids and make humor out of it.
But every comedian I did a study on, you know, came from a very traumatic household or a troubled childhood. Those interesting. Yeah. So there's all kinds of ways I put together like twenty four different patterns. You know, someone that's a charmer, a manipulator. Let's say a man that someone like that. Well, that could have been the kid that let's say he he would be beat by the father. Got an F on the test in his area. I'll if I change it to an A to get it signed, you know, maybe I'll get away with it. And he finds if he lies, he gets away with things. This establishes the power. You know, the pattern of lying is easier than telling the truth. Right. Whereas passive aggressive come from you know of a guy that shuts down and doesn't want to talk about things. Well, if he talked up as a child, you might have gotten whacked. You we're screamed at. So he just learned, guy, better be quiet, not say a thing. I to say safe. Right. These are all safety mechanisms. So the manipulator, you know, he would go into school and schmooze his female teacher. They get his deeds into a city, you know, do little chores for her. Found. Wow. You know, if I schmooze my teacher, this works. I can get better grades, you know?
So all these little Pattersons are coping patterns that become normalized and then come out in adult relationships at work, at home, in dating.
You know, some makes total sense. I am so like leaning and I just looked up at the candles like I got to back off a little bit because of this. Like going closer and closer like this is amazing. It's so cool to be able to, number one, identify what is causing certain behaviors. And then on the flip side, which we really have got into, is now the result of dealing with that and cleaning up the weeds from the garden. I like to say, yeah. And what along those lines what what I've been thinking as you're talking like what? What a business that you have. Amazing. You went from therapy into coaching. And then you've made a success. And you've only been at that for a couple of years. A little over two years, right?
Well, I started coaching actually two thousand nine and ten by go into RCI Relationship Coaching Institute, got certified for singles and for couples. And then I really wanted an excellent educational program.
I'm all about education. So I said I have to write some books from my research. So live beyond your dreams from fear and out the personal power, purpose and success. That's about the mindset for success. And then I wrote the book that's over 400 pages that went on to be the number one bestseller, Love. And your dreams break free of toxic relationships and the love you deserve. So there sister books are meant to go together. And then I wrote a 150 page workbook, one for singles and one for couples. So by time that was all done, I was ready then to officially coach, although always coaching people in New Jersey where I lived at my company Therapy by the Sea. I was never the typical psychotherapist. I was always more of a motivational mindset coach. So I knew I wanted to do coaching from day one. But I had I wanted to be certified and I wanted to do it right. So by the time my materials were all written, I had moved down here to Florida and said instead of like re-establishing myself in Delray, I'm going to go global.
And then I signed on a business coach and was with her for a year to learn the systems. I didn't know. And she was a great help. Lisa's such a bitch with my coach for that. And then I took on jail. John Lee Domus for my podcast, coach, and he's fabulous. So, you know, I always take on a good mentor coach when there's something I don't know, especially around systems and and higher tech marketing because I'm more old school. I did a lot of marketing in my model and talent school before there were computers. So, you know, I needed to learn a lot of those things. So I hired on the coaches to help me with that.
And then I went to full time 2017 and closed the therapy door and said, that's it for therapy in there. You talk about liberation. Yes, totally.
I work from home. I work the hours I want. I travel when I want now. And it's it's fabulous. It's freedom. Yet still working and delivering my purpose in the world.
Entrepreneur dream. Yeah. And I love it. So there's messages that you're sending out to our viewers that are amazing. I want to kind of highlight the fact that, look, this is an amazingly successful woman who coaches other individuals and to become the best she could be. She herself hired coaches. That is a huge thing to bring up and make sure that everyone is aware of. Look the best in the world. Well, it most often that people go to is like Michael Jordan. He wouldn't be. He would have gotten to where he got without the amazing expert coaches that he got. He's not an expert or wasn't an expert in every facet of the sport of basketball. And just as Rihanna is not nor am I an expert in every facet of growing a business. You just need help from those who know how to do it. And that's why I love that you have said that publicly, Rihanna, that you've brought in coaches. Yes. And not just one.
You know, I had a publishing coach as well because I wanted my books and Barnes and Noble stores. That's very determined. I remember sitting in the class room. What's your goal for your book? Just to establish your self as an expert. They came to me and said, I want my books in the Barnes and Noble stores and they all started laughing and the coach as well. The reality is only half of 1 percent of. People get in there. And I said, well, there's room for me, half a 1 percent. Those numbers are good enough for him. And I'm in there. I did everything I needed to know step by step. And, you know, that was a big day for me. That was one of my childhood dreams to be in that bookstore. So I was thrilled.
And so another beautiful pattern to follow. I love to tell people that they have they have. They have our permission to model or copy model success. And look at you just said, yeah, but I'm gonna be there. Who wants to work with somebody like Rihanna? That is like that. You know, whatever you say, that's fine. But I'm I'm just here to tell you, I'm going to make it there. And now you have a coach like that who has that kind of positive attitude, who is a go getter, who's going to make sure you get the results you want and deserve. She's the want to go to. There's no one in particular.
Yes. What I have done a lot of business coaching. I do primary and 50 percent life and 50 percent love. But under the life portion is happiness and career. So if they're not happy, we have to brainstorm what do they want to do? What area do they want to do it in? If someone says, oh, I want to be a coach, too, that's great. But let me tell you the realities. Once you've got the realities, you still want to be a coach because there's a lot of work behind it. You know, some of us make it look simple, but it's not. It's hours and hours of work and establishing your niche and being different than anybody else. You know, I learned from a mentor early on. I was a promotional model at WFA Out Radio in Philadelphia, and I worked all over the city and with a lot of entertainers. That's one of my favorite stories, dancing the entire Oncor with Freddie Mercury of Queen for the night of the Opera Concert at Tower Theatre and having the tramp's at my house and Philadelphia partying with them. So it was a cool life for a teenager. But I learned from my boss, Jean, he says, hon, you got to be different than everybody else. What's going to make you different? What's going to make you stand out in anything you do in life and business? What's going to make you different? And I always remember that, you know. And whatever business I had, you know, when I was going to open a model and talent business in Erie, P.A., everyone there like, well, that's not going to go here.
This is a blue collar town. I said, I know what kind of town it is. It's not Philly. I get it. I'm from Philadelphia. But I opened up re honest, real people modeling. So anyone could do it. I had age five to eighty five. My oldest model, Hildy, modeled a lot. She was making a ton of money and her husband was actually mad. She signed up for modeling school and then she got billboards and brochures for senior banking and senior health services. She was she was going to town. So that's how I opened it up. And it meant it was different. You know, and I was 26 years old when I opened up with my first month's rent coming out of a difficult marriage, that there was a bankruptcy due to his business decisions. And all I have is my first month's rent, not the ability to get a loan. So, you know, I had what my father taught me. He says, honey, if you got the five D in life, you can do anything. Since then, I've added two more to my dad's story. But the first one I added was decide. Decide what you want with decision is a really important part of what you want to do. It has to be a firm decision.
Then the five that my dad said was determination, desire, dedication, devotion, which is a spiritual part and dare to dream than the last one I added was drive. And you need the drive when it gets tough. And when I was working those 12, 14 hour days, seven days in a row building my online school platform, that was not easy, especially because I'm not a tech oriented person. I'm emotionally oriented.
So it really took me a long time and you have to stay focused. It's like writing a 400 page book. You know, you have to stay focused to the task. And, you know, but the 7D always was my little driving force that always kept me in the game, even when it got a little tough.
I love those the 70s.
Determination. Desire. Dedication. Devotion. Dare to dream and drive. I love drive. Yes, drive. There is no one to ask you. Something that I love is a another curiosity thing. Especially in the type of business you have. It makes me curious. With each guest. Come on, is the number one the most? One of the most important skill sets one can acquire for their own business is in the realm of marketing. Because if if you're not marketing, you don't have a business. Really? Yes. You have to market. You have the market successfully. And I'm curious. So you started officially a couple of years ago. Even though you've been coaching prior to that. How do you Riana today go about marketing your current business and what has been what you say you're most successful form of marketing your business today?
Yeah, I found early on that I was so excited about my message and it was so interesting and different that when I went on podcast, people are like, oh my gosh, I love this. And then I was asked on Summitt's relationship, Summitt's dating segments, couples. I did a men's summit this week. You know, parenting. So all different kinds of summits I'm on. As you know, when I'm twenty five or one of 30 experts and I'm usually at, you know, on day two. So I'm pretty prominent that, you know, I'm seeing there and being a guest on podcasts. So that started very early in my coaching career. And I love doing it because I love educating. I kind of have that way about me. When I had my modelling talents school, I was educating them what it took to have their dream of being models, actors, singers, dancers. And they actually did very well in my school. So I'm more of that teaching mode and that's where I think I'm most comfortable and where I really shine in educating about this topic. And that's that's my biggest marketing tool right there. People hear the message and they're like, oh, my gosh. Yes, I have co-dependent relationship. Yes, I'm love addicted. That comes from abandonment. OK. This is making sense, you know. So I have jealousy on control that comes from trauma. Number seven, not feeling good enough. I get it now.
So just putting the pieces together where they've struggled or they have a partner that struggled. And now they have some answers. And then we just start going deep and then we heal it. So I would say that the best marketing tool I have is my speaking podcasts and Summitt's appearances.
And so for a couple more questions, if I may, on that realm. So podcast, meaning your own podcast or appearing as guests on others or both? I'd say both. OK. And then for both. How do you do? I'm asking this on behalf of everyone else. Watching and listening. How do you get the word out that you're available and interesting enough to be on their podcast? What? What kind of hurdles did you jump over to make that happen?
I started out with Interview Valet Swaps Company, where I'm an affiliate for him now and know him very well because I wanted him to be my agent. See, that's a setup I'm used to I used to be a talent agent.
Right. So it's like I'll give you 20 percent. Just find me the gigs and find me that interviews. So I started out with him and I think there was 20 interviews that I did and that really got me my message honed in with Lisa. I got my message really down tight. They made me a beautiful one sheet. They call it for a speaker. And then from there I went on the podcast. Guess where? I'm also an affiliate. And Mark Schwabe has a list to finding people looking for gas as well as we can put our own podcasts on there if we want. Guess.
So between those two lists and getting a really strong start with Tom's company, I feel really good about that whole journey. And now I'm interviewing about five times a week.
Fantastic. Yeah. Yes. That's one of my go to. I love that. Yeah, I don't I don't remember. But you might have come through that on and come into this under the show and half.
Yes. And then when someone hears me in a summit, I get a ton of referrals. I saw you and so-and-so somebody. You love your message. I want you in my summit. That happens to me all the time. So that's how I get the summit invitations. They just hear of me out there.
Now, how did it start? I mean, the first summit that you were invited to. Where did they hear hear about you?
If you can remember, it's really hard to say. I guess it started back in 2015 when I was really starting to coach a lot and I was building my last notebook, but the speeches started to come in. So I don't know. I've always had a website since 2008 and I've always written articles. I have an app. It's called Lessons in Life and Love on the Go. But as one of the first coaches to have an app out like in 2010. So, you know, I've been out there kind of globally, even though I haven't been officially full time coach, I've been building up all those little systems. So my app is out there and I've had Facebook pages and I've written for E-Harmony and your Tango's. So people know me from my articles. I've had a lot of news appearances, so it's varied. I'm really not sure. I mean, I do speaking gigs too. I was at a heating and air conditioning corporation last month. You know, it's like, how do you hear about me? Oh, I Google search do. And I saw your Web site. I want you to come about the mindset for success. Well, you know, I'm a life enough coach. And, you know, the CEO sitting there and says this is the best speech we've ever had here. This is phenomenal. You know, what you taught reaches all of us. I was talking about employee relationships and how the tight correlation is. If you're not happy at home, it's going to come into your workplace. If you're not happy at work, it's going to hurt your marriage at home. And they're so tightly correlated. So, you know, if you're seeing certain patterns in people, there's certain ways you can handle them or handle it. It's like adult bullying sometimes, you know, and how do you handle that?
So I love that, you know, here's what it comes down to. And people and you've said it beautifully about basically how you go about marketing is you show up and you continue to do so on different platforms. You can either get invited to or that you create on your own as well, like the podcast where you've done both. And that's one thing I've loved. I've been preaching that for a long time. It's just show up, you know, show similar to what you're watching right now, would be one way to create your own stage. And now you aren't waiting for people to invite you.
Just think of the convenience of staying at home and saying it's the best thing. Oh, yeah, like this is great.
I can still work and not be on the road all the time. Yes, it be great to do live stages as well. A little bit more often. But this sense now that I'm up to five speeches a week or appearances, this is really convenient for me to be able to do this from home.
Yeah. And I used to speak from stage quite a bit myself. And when we were talking offline before the show started, when I did my business transition, I basically put a halt to that because I know how much work that is and I would put on my own events. At the end. I was like, wow, what a lot of work and a lot of work. And everything that goes into it. And so this was my kind of Band-Aid fix because I love the stage. Just I'm gravitated toward it. I know why. I just enjoy it. And it's so much fun to help and serve others and watch their reaction live from stage and all. It's just so awesome. But this is kind of a Band-Aid fix until I get back out there and honesty now.
To me, it was about getting my message out there. What's the best and fastest way I can help people have a mostly healthy, evolved and conscious lab? That's my mission. How can I teach them if you're struggling? There is a reason for it. And the most important thing is it can be fixed. It can be healed and it can be fixed. And those toxic patterns can stop. So that was my mission. And I wish I had that education when I went through that and I had nobody to turn to. So that's what drives me. So, however, I can get my message out there the fastest and most efficiently. I'm all about that.
Yeah. And it's you know, we have such similar paths in that way. And there's so many things that I wish, you know, I'd say I wish I'd learned that sooner. The cool thing is, looking back as well, what I would would I have had the life experiences that I needed to be where I am today? Had that happened earlier. Right. We're in we're in a state of struggle more when we don't realize there are things that help us that could actually be a benefit. Once you've found the solution, now, you can go on with much greater confidence and get greater results for people. So I just love how life has worked. I'm fifty five years old myself, and I feel like I've just begun and it's invigorating. I look at other ago friends from the corporate world who are just all they can't wait for his retirement. slingo swing on a hammock and sip on a drink until they die. I don't get that, but yeah.
Well, hey, Rehana, we are coming near the end and I know it's very late there in Florida compared to here. There's one question I love to ask every guest expert that comes onto the show, and it's it's usually very telling. It's it's kind of a it's just it's a magnificent question, because the question itself is that the magnificent thing, it's the answers that come back. And I've asked every guest expert the same exact question. And that's the way I like to close out the show, because it's very thought provoking at times. It can be. But before I do that, I promised everyone real quick that I would show them a way that they could win that five nights. Hey, yeah. Five star luxury resort in Mexico. And it's real simple to do so. I know you've been taking great notes, all of you. Fantastic. Good job. Now it's time to pull out your phone. You have my permission to grab your phone and text this message that you see on the screen. So what you want to do is you want to punch in the phone number of 6 6 1 5 3 5 1 6 2 4. And then down where you type in the little messages. If you're going to text it off to someone, type in the word peak.
That's PJAK. And do that right now and we will choose a winner. You will be notified by, you guessed it, text message. This very system is run by Powertech Seek.com, our sponsor. So how appropriate is that to give away the vacation they're sponsoring using their system? So go ahead and and text the word peak to 6 x 1 5 3 5 1 6, 2, 4. And now back to the woman of the hour with wonderful heavy hitting. It is not heavy hitting. And so there's a little build up to it. But I just want you to know, Riana. The cool thing about this question is there is no such thing as a wrong answer. It doesn't exist. Tell me, Brian, what is the opposite is actually the truth. And that is the only correct answer is what you come up with, what your answer is. So now that just I know that you're not worried about it anyway, being a mindset professional. But, you know, now you can just be free to just say what comes to your mind. It could be immediate. It may take some time. Either way is fine. I'm cool. Yes. All right. Here we go.
So, Riana Milne, how do you define success?
I would simply say it's feeling proud of the work that I've done over the years. The combination and I always put this first being a mother. I absolutely adore my children. And I'm a grandma now, a mentor, a teacher, a coach, a therapist and a manager, a talent agent and manager helping people to achieve their dreams, to feel their happiest and best evolved and conscious self.
If I'm doing that, that is my definition of success.
Love it. I was taking notes like a madman just so folks can see this. I'm going to zoom in on this and show them I'm running this show and I'm really good.
You got a lot of notes there from tonight, I kid.
You know, you can take a screenshot of that and prove me prove that that is the case. And I love I love what I get to do. And I love that your answer is, you know, true to form is different than everyone prior to you. That's what's really intriguing about that question. Riana, is that no two people answered that identically. Some are similar, but I know it's gonna happen at some some point it has to. But really, when it came down to it only pule with the onion, you actually said it. Helping people to achieve what they want, you know? Yeah. And it's all about health. It wasn't about helping Riana to make ten million dollars or had nothing to do with money. I didn't hear a word money in there, which is also very interesting because my Parraguez. The same is true. Isn't that cool? Because successful people aren't thinking about money. That's they're not of a scarcity mindset. They're thinking of, you know, I want to make more money so I can serve more people. The end of the game is to help people because the money comes. It's their result of doing that. And so the beautiful thing is the target. You know, the big shiny object is not money. It's helping others. And you are no different in that way. You are very different and unique and special, of course. And I appreciate you. And now you have something as well. I understand that you would like to share with our audience a little. Give our own.
I come bearing gifts. Yes, I do.
Well, it pull up the show while you're describing that.
Ok, for anyone that would like more information on the childhood trauma piece of this tonight, I have a free e-book. It's that have the love you deserve.
Dicom have the levy. You deserve dicom. And if you go to my web site, which is my name, Riana Milne dot com. You'll see the free love tests. As for tests back there, one is a childhood trauma checklist. There's one another test for singles and another one for couples. So go ahead. You say it right up there in the corner. Take my love tests and if you scroll down, you will see the links to my app as well as you will get free book chapter downloads of both live and love beyond your dreams. I love this, Brian. Keep strong. There is a lot on there. But yeah, it's. The books are on there and you get like 50 to 60 pages of each live in love beyond your dreams. There they are. So you can do that often as well. Of course, my podcast is free. I'm up to sixty two shows I usually launch at every Thursday or Friday. So do listen to that. I go into things about life, love, business, parenting, the mindset for success and healing any past trauma. That's all about my app. You can get the app there. There's all kinds of good. It's fun. Thank you. This is the best way to do it. I've never had anyone do that for me. Thank you so much. Very well. Wonderful. Yeah. Yeah.
It's a I have to tell you, it is a gorgeous website. It's beautiful and functional. It covers all the aspects. It's very appealing to the eye. It's great. It's great eye candy factor. And like you said, there is so much to it. It's a and that's an art in a good way. And you're you're an amazing woman. I'm glad that you are achieving the level of success you are today. And I look forward to helping you achieve even greater success in any way. Keep trying and lose touch of each other. And I appreciate you so much for coming on spending this hour with myself and all of our wonderful adoring fans.
And I just want to encourage the listeners to don't wait. I mean, now is the time really to create that life you really desire and to have the love you deserve. Life's too short to settle for less.
So definitely reach out to Riana and connect with her.
She actually what's the best way for the folks to connect with you that gets you quickest right through the Web site, both web sites as a podcast, Web site, both have contact me. So that's the best way. Amona G-mail.
That makes it pretty simple, doesn't it?
Yeah. Right. All Riana, thank you once again so much for coming on the show. Appreciate you beyond words. Thank you. I've been watching live or even listening as a recording or watching as the recording. We appreciate you as well. And that's it for tonight.
That is The MIND BODY BUSINESS Show. We will see you again next week right here for the next addition. Until then, have a great, great evening and be blessed. So long for now.
Thank you for watching and listening. This has been the mind body business shows. This show was Brian Kelly.
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Riana Milne is a Certified, Global Life, Dating & Relationship Coach, a #1 Best Selling author, the Host of her Podcast called Lessons in Life & Love, an educational speaker, a Certified Trauma & Addictions Professional – and is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor for close to 20 years in Palm Beach County, Florida. She was also a Life & Dating Coach for the Docu-Series - Radical Dating – Finding Lasting Love Over 40 (and her client is now happily married!) Riana specializes in those who have had past Childhood, Dating or Relationship Trauma; and offers 1-on-1, VIP Coaching and Online Virtual Coaching Programs for both Singles & Couples at her LifeandLoveTrainingAcademy.com. Riana’s free App: Lessons in Life & Love on the Go! offers many videos, articles and her podcast. Her 5 star-rated books, LOVE Beyond Your Dreams – Break Free of Toxic Relationships to Have the Love You Deserve - and - LIVE Beyond Your Dreams – from Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose, and Success, addresses Life Difficult Transitions, Personal Transformation, The Mindset for Success, and having Loving Relationships with yourself and others. Riana’s FB fan page is Coach Riana Milne, and her websites are RianaMilne.com and LessonsinLifeandLove.com
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